April 25, 2003
I am Evil
The Beginning.
"Hi. I'm a female student at Miami, which means I wear flip flops even in the snow. Actually, especially in the snow, because such behavior indicates that I am making, like, a bold, outrageous fashion move, despite the fact that every other girl on campus is doing the same thing.
"I wear sweats to class at eight a.m., but my makeup is immaculate. Note my frosted snow plum lipstick that matches my, like, perfectly pedicured and painted toe nails. In fact, the only thing about me that doesn't match is my sorority satchel, emblazoned with tartan greek letters. We're a dry house, which means we drink and, like, lie about it.
"I'm on my way to class now, Psych 101. I'm doing much better this semester, lest daddy take away my credit cards. I'm majoring in Psych, because, like, I want to be able to analyze what people are thinking. It's really a fascinating subject for me, because I don't do a whole lot of it myself.
"I might switch majors, though. Early Childhood Education looks pretty easy, and I, like, love kids. We have so much in common, wearing the same size and all.
"I'm catching the red bus now, so I better, like, start making loud phone calls to everyone I know. My conversation will consist of talking to my friends about what my other friends are doing, and how this, like, totally hot guy was, like, looking at me. Oblivious on my cell phone, I will cut in front of other, less forward passengers and go tripping down the bus steps in my flip flops. I'll forget to say thankyou, because, like, they're just bus drivers.
"Once back in my dorm I will sign on to AIM and message the friend I just got off the phone with. I leave all of the sounds on, and turn my speakers up loud, so even the girls in the room three doors down can hear the delightful pings and beeps of my instant messenging frenzy. My Psych book will gather dust on the corner of my desk, because, like, college means nothing to me when my parents are paying for it and I've got a three thousand dollar community service scholarship in the bank.
"Because, you know, I, like, love old people."
The End.
astera at 10:10 a.m.