April 17, 2001
Houses
Do you ever feel like you're living in a parallel universe? I wish, almost completely, that I had not crawled out of bed this morning. And yet there were completely magical parts of my day, like that brief moment when I realized what my life should be like...that ideal being completely severed from the reality of my existence.
It is April, last week it was 80 degrees and I had to buy sandals. It's snowing today. Brittany's party found me standing outside in her driveway, shivering, looking up into a wintry sky when it should be spring; the snow falling down and lacing my lashes and hair.
Brittany's house is beautiful. Her room is warm, welcoming, her house feels like Katie's house did. Happy. Not like Ryan's house, or Jenny's house. Those abodes seem distracted, false. As if the people inside are playing games with eachother, putting on a show.
And my house is dark. I have long ago stopped caring about what energies I promote, my parents probably never cared. It is dark, and there is little more than apathy to keep me warm at night.
I thought today that I would love to be Brittany.
astera at detached and nearly five