June 23, 2001

Okay

I am the fucking righteous Queen of the world.

He said okay. He said okay.

He is who I think he is. He does not lie to me. He respects me. And he loves me. Because he said okay. Because he really doesn't care. Because he is with me for me and not because of his dick.

I sacrificed my independence for him. I care for him too much and too early, so much so that I vow to work him into my future. I never intended any of this to happen.

Neither did he.

He will give up being typically male for me. He said himself that what we did started to matter a little to him about two months ago, and had I said something like this then, he would have been baffled and pissed. He said he was perplexed by his own apathy, that he really doesn't care. Not now. Not anymore. He said okay.

We can all have what we want. I hope things stay this way. I know they will. Because he said okay. And he also said he hopes it stays this way, he is a little worried that his hormones will get in his way and drive me away. I said as long as he is honest with me, and he respects me, he's stuck with me.

I love him. He gave me post cards he had written for me in Florida and could not mail because he didn't have my address. He had written the lyrics of his favorite song on them, claiming that "now that I've read the words to this song it reminds me more and more of you every time that I hear it." So here it is, to close this beautiful day.

Drops of Jupiter

Now that's she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and she walks like rain
Reminds me that there is time to change, hey, hey
Since the return of her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me, did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way
To see the lights all faded
That heaven is overrated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might come to think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always stickin' up for you
Even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance, five-hour phone conversations, the best soy latte that you've ever had...
And me

Tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way