August 4 and shit
Orientation Extravaganza
So what did we learn in precollege, children?
One: I am not a freshman, I am a first year. Freshman suggests gender, and the pc psychologists that have the government by the balls (along with the oil industry, but that's another story alltogether) and have decided that it is somehow offensive to we non-male parties.
Two: I am a freshman. Fuck it. I love that title. Or haven't you noticed?
Three: I will be living in The Virgin Vault, or, in generic terms, Jefferson Hall. I am also an outcast for being satisfied with this, why wouldn't I want to dorm with a bunch of sweaty, perverse guys? Sorry, girls, one is enough. I'll wager I couldn't even live with him.
Four: The closest Abercrombie and Fitch retailer is two hours away. The hearts of so many prospectice students are swollen with woe. I was inches away from asking where is the nearest Goodwill?
Five: Communal living is from hell. We have gang showers. Need I say more?
Six: The three months since graduation were not nearly enough time for boys to grow up and stop obviously and obnoxiously hitting on girls. Also, girls have not wised up enough to defend self against said boys.
Seven: The Scripps school is bad ass. We have a couch in the bathroom.
Eight: Ohio University offers both Taxidermy 1 (specializing in birds) and Taxidermy 2 (specializing in game and fish) as recreational courses. We also have belly dancing and Plastics Tooling (means of teaching oneself how to make plastic parts).
Nine: But Taxidermy takes the cake as completely useless and equally as disturbing.
Ten: Don't go bowling in Baker if your name is Jillian or Jessica. Not only did you two vile offenders break the bowling alley and lose your balls, you also abandoned the attendent when he so cordially tried to retrieve said balls.
Am I a better person because of precollege? Will I feel more comfortable at college-college? Am I different?
Who the hells knows. But the bowling was fun.
astera at nooooo