September 9, 2001
At Last
Life is a funny thing. The severity we lend to our decisions, as though with one nod or decline of our heads we chain ourselves forevermore to our fates. We preach that nothing in the world is absolute, there are no "nevers" or "alwayses;" and then we turn right around and condemn ourselves to sadness because there is nothing we can do about it. This is it. It's over. It's done.
I learned something about myself. I learned that I have control of this body and mind, that it is mine and I may do with it what I want. At any time. It amazes and baffles those with whom I have spoken that I withdrew from Ohio University, that I am home now when I was there but 24 hours ago. What will I do? How will I proceed? How can I possibly have left?
But I did. And I have plenty of options. I'll find my way through the world in the most backward of fashions, just as I always have done. Except, now, I know that the backwards fashion is what I choose, and not what Fate throws upon me. She may show me the doors, but it is I who make the decision to walk through them.
Or to not walk through.
astera at obscene