September 15, 2001
Youth? Coincidence?
Last night was youth amidst all of this crippled old age.
For lack of anything better to do, Ryan and I (accompanied by our various siblings) went to the Taylor football game. It was lame, as usual.
Afterwards a horrendous crowd of people returned to the Heitkamp home. Ryan's mom made us hot chocolate and sugary popcorn.
Quite tasty.
And it was nice to be together with my friends.
When Ryan and I were sitting in the van, quiet, with our arms about eachother, I asked him, "Does it ever feel as though time has just stopped?"
And it does. Here I am, back from college until January, spending my Friday nights at high school football games. Ryan was supposed to leave a week ago, and yet he is still here. It's as though some high power granted me but one more week of the past, of the innocence I can never again possess. As soon as he is gone, it is over.
And I'm terrified. Listening to him talk last night about how excited he is to go into the Air Force, how he hopes we'll go to war. I just see this chain of events beginning, and it's so real I can taste it. His need for revenge, for redemption for those innocent souls. I can taste my horror at all the death that will ensue, I can feel my heart clench in pain at the thought of him amidst that.
This week isn't over yet.
astera at bologna