December 3, 2001
Perpetual Insanity
18 days (again, late, today does not count).
Today has been horrible. Tonight is significantly worse.
Couldn't go to work today seeing as family had no car. Mom and I spent the day watching Lifetime. Television for Women. Or, rather, poorly filmed early nineties movies about abused women and/or children.
We actually spent the whole day waiting for the guy that towed the car to call us so we could go and get it.
The car people told Mom that he would call straightaway at twelve-thirty.
He called at five. To tell us that he didn't have time for us today.
Needless to say, both Mom and Dad were righteous pissed. We're going to go get it tomorrow morning, at nine-thirty. Then I'll be dropped off at work.
I can hardly contain my enthusiasm.
I've been thinking so much lately. Mostly today, because I am depressed and shiftless and did not get my promised phone call. I am placing so much of myself in his visit. And it will be so short compared to how long he will be gone again.
And then he probably won't get Dayton, something both he and his mother revel in discussing.
Can't I just be happy for ten minutes together?
And then I drafted my first query letter today for the epic novel, and I'm worried that not only is the query letter crap but also the novel. And it's so nerve wracking. The writer's market book has so much shit you're supposed to say and so much shit you're not supposed to say and I have one really big dilemma.
They say that if you are an unpublished writer definitely do not mention it. They also say it is imperative for you to mention your credentials.
So if I say I am unpublished, therefore explaining why I have not mentioned my credentials, they will throw my letter in the trash. But if I say nothing, they will wonder where my credentials are and throw my letter in the trash.
Either way my letter is in the trash.
Who am I kidding. Even if they read it they probably wouldn't like it.
God, do mine and Kelsi's tastes in books have any standing in the real world?
Or do I just like it because I wrote it and she likes it because I wrote it and she knows me?
I crave sedatives. I crave my boyfriend. I want the anniversary flowers that are waiting for me at work.
astera at reject