December 4, 2001
Sociopathic Ramblings
18 days.
Being a girl fucking sucks. There is no stupidity comparable to that of a girl. Trust me, I fucking know. If I know anything after nineteen years and nearly two months of life, it's that I hate my vagina and my breasts. Immensely.
We're just totally messed up. I mean, a guy gets in a relationship and he relaxes. He thinks (if he thinks at all) that finally he has someone who likes him enough to let him fondle her. They talk sometimes, too, he doesn't mind that so much, either.
But the girl doesn't do this. The beginning of the relationship she spends being paranoid over whether or not he really likes her or if he is just trying to see how far he can go with her in the shortest amount of time. After a month or two she may realize this is not the case, may get the delusion that he respects her. It slips her mind that man does not understand the concept of 'respect' when concerning a girl. He may think he does, but he really and truly doesn't.
However, as she moves past this stage of worry she enters another. As she becomes more comfortable with him she begins, insanely, to wonder when he will stop liking her. Of course she cannot imagine just waking up one day and having no concern for him at all, but one missed phone call amidst weeks of prompt ones sends the schizophrenic bitches in her head screaming that he has done just that.
For some reason, it seems entirely rational to her that his missed phone call means he has found and bedded another woman without even a farewell for her. Sane thoughts like busy signals or urgent affairs do not cross her mind. If they do, they are instantly dismissed as insane.
Someone tell me I'm wrong. Someone tell me I'm not a fucking sociopath who not only shouldn't have a boyfriend but also really shouldn't be allowed sharp objects in public.
I am so fucking crazy and right.
As long as he still loves me, and all the phone lines in Sheppard Air Force base have been cut, I could care less.
He can send my flowers to the mental hospital from now on.
astera at quarter to hell