March 28, 2002
Misery loves Bacon
It's pretty retarded that I put my body to bed at a quarter to one and it refuses to sleep until a quarter after two. How am I supposed to catch up on sleep? I should've just stayed up and did shit.
I have decided that cordiality is silly. Hear me out on this. What is the point of going out of your way to ask someone how their day was, or how they are, when they will inevitably say 'fine' or 'good' regardless as to the truth of the situation? You'll do the same thing, too. Trust me. I do it all the time. Because most of the time you ask just because you want to look like you care and are nice, but in all reality you know you aren't committing yourself to hearing about their problems because they're just going to lie anyway.
These are the things I think as I am trying to sleep.
I had a dream that I was holding a baby me last night. I was wrapping her up in the afghan my mom made for me when I was four. And while this baby didn't really look as I did when I was a baby, I knew it was me all the same. It was weird.
Maybe I should lay off the crack, huh, kids?
I called Owen and Ray 'kids' yesterday when I left work. I think Owen was rather offended, in a mock sort of way, as he informed me that they were 'young men.' Only Owen would say that. I am surprised he did not say it in French.
I feel so hopeless lately. What with this sudden school debt looming over my head, my mom crying this morning, girls at work being generally bitchy, boys at work being more than generally stupid, and the fact that I never get to talk to friends anymore. I just hate this year. My life has been miserable since about September.
Maybe I should stop listening to Rufus Wainwright.
I wish I could wear regular people clothes to work. I swear I'm cuter than I appear in a billowy, royal blue shirt and a perpetual Pebble's ponytail.
I should definitely stop listening to Rufus Wainwright.
astera at come what may