March 31, 2002
Beauteous Crushing
It happened.
There were butterflies. There was a brief meeting of the eyes and the nervous-sickness that followed. There was baffled laughter when he was gone and I could stand there, pondering the queasiness I was experiencing. A crush. I have a crush!
Brandon. Brandon with serious eyes and dark, unkempt hair. Brandon. Brandon who catches my eye, be it intentional or unintentional, and likely the latter; and I feel my knees weaken like a cheap teen movie. Brandon with a hesitant smile.
It was crazy last night. Ridiculous and crazy. And I'm not fucking with the clergy when I say I felt sick and giddy about him. I haven't felt that in so long. It was a gorgeous feeling, and I relished it for as long as I could.
I am going to enjoy the fact that I am falling before I pause mid-air to hope that I have not been given my wish in the worst of ways. The old familiar unrequited fashion.
But I told Owen, and he, being the irrepressible twit that he is, is planning all sorts of corny festivals. I told him I didn't want to make a scene at work. He said this is fate.
I don't know what to think.
He says Brandon is kind of a weird kid, but good weird. All I know is that his eyes fixed ever so briefly on mine makes me feel like I could throw up.
Ah, beauteous crushing...
So he had already been planning some sort of group venture, and he said that Brandon wanted to go but didn't have a date. Enter Jill.
I'm cringing.
I can already see the awkwardness in this. I just wish I knew him even the littliest bit. I hope he isn't totally and absolutely possessed of an aversion to me.
Where the fuck are my feminine wiles when I need them?
Excuse me while I sigh and daydream.
astera at 1:32 p.m.