April 6, 2002
Melodramatic Drivel
I had planned, some two or so hours ago, to claim in the first line of my entry that tonight was the greatest shift I have ever worked. Now, I am not so sure.
Boys, as usual.
Things were great with Justin, he was not at all angry with me or awkward. He acted much the same actually. It was quite nice.
On to Brandon.
He has me so confused.
So confused.
So I smile and wave at him when I come in. He smiles. I do not melt, thankfully. The night progresses with me watching him, occasionally catching his eye and looking away.
So Linda, a fellow hostess and my buddy, is working on the line. He comes up to her and asks how old I am. She says I must be at least eighteen or nineteen, but he says he thinks I must be younger. She comes and asks me later and I just about have a coronary. He. Asked. About. Me. So I tell her I am nineteen, nineteen and a half, for fuck's sake, and she tells him. And he says something along the lines of "woo-hoo."
Woo-fucking-hoo.
So I think, helikesmehelikesmehelikesmehelikesme, hey, I think he might be interested in me.
Something like that.
So I try to smile all the more and am absolutely giddy out of my mind. Literally. And I get excited like a four year old gets excited. As in I flail around and yell things like 'yippee.' I've been trying to stop, but I'm addicted to giddiness.
So later that night Owen comes in, and when he sees me he suddenly remembers last week's conversation. I tell him to say nothing, that I have everything covered and believe it or not and praise be the Lord he might actually have looked my direction of his own volition. But, apparently, Owen said something anyway. Which brings me to the sour part of the evening.
Brandon told Owen, prompted by whatever it was Owen said, that he has a girlfriend, he just never talked about her. Which Owen relays to me. Which just about breaks my heart.
I don't understand. Owen said that Brandon can be weird, he might have just said that because he didn't want Owen involved. Considering his earlier behavior, what am I to think?
I talked to Shawn on the bus, one of the servers who is an absolute sweetheart, and she said that she used to work on the line with Brandon and that he can be very strange about his personal life. He likes it to stay that way, and tries to avoid the drama that can sometimes erupt at work. She said it was very out of character for him to inquire after me, and must indicate that he is at least looking. She said she didn't know he had a girlfriend, and was sure he didn't, and seems to agree with Owen that he must be saying that to keep other people from interferring. I only hope they are right.
So I am going to lay low, I guess, and hope that his serious eyes again look my way. I am not sure what to think about any of this. I like him. I really do. And for a few hours today, for the few most brief and blissful hours today, I thought he liked me, too.
astera at 12:08 a.m.