April 5, 2002
Brandon Madness
May I just say that I feel irrepressible joy merely at the existence of another person and the slight possiblity that he might someday look my direction?
Sick, isn't it?
He talked to me yesterday, and I'll just say in the words of the immortal Jim Morrisson that my knees got weak. That I managed to talk back, I think, without sounding like a total moron was the real aacomplishment considering that I am. It's odd. I was telling Kelsi today that I only really flirt with people I'm not interested in. The people I actually like I'm too afraid of sounding stupid to mutter anything but short sentences and try to sound intelligent.
Me. Intelligent. Publicly.
Not going to happen.
I just wish I were cute or something. Or anything, for that matter. I'm not all, ooo, what does he look for in a girl, because, obviously, if I am not that then I am not going to change. I have just never been very good with boys nor very assertive when it comes to my feelings toward them. My sort of intervention would just fuck up any chance I had with him. If only I were just interesting, then maybe he might approach me...
Have I always been this socially inept?
Yes. What a silly question.
Well, kids, you can tell this little situation is going to occupy me for weeks, can't you? Sorry. Smack me if you wish, or leave nasty notes in the guestbook. I'll take what I can get.
astera at 12:33 a.m.