June 21, 2002
Justin, My Dearest Darling Brother
The Severed Hand Tarot is available for criticism. Well, like seven or so cards are. That's all Kelsi and I have done just yet. Go here if you have some pressing desire to see our work. If not, okay.
But realize that I shall cause sulfer to rain down on you in copious, acidic amounts.
My brother is leaving for the Air Force in seventeen days. Eek. Horrendous Eek. I've been assuming all this time that I would leave before him, that he'd ship off in September like Ryan did. Not so. For his field, he can either leave now or December. So he chose now.
And I am going to miss him. My dad just breaking the news to me last night caused a little mist to develop in my eyes, and then Justin coming in and harassing me last night and informing me that he was no longer a citizen but instead government property made it worse. He said he felt like an adult for the first time in his life.
And it's true. It really is. This may sound silly to some of you, and in a way it is, but college is the easy road. It's familiar. It's just school, slightly different. The kids that go out and get jobs, or join the military, are the brave ones. College kids aren't grown-ups. Not near so much as the rest of them. We don't have to deal with a total upheaval of our lives, there are still things that will remain stationary.
I won't see Justin for months. Hopefully I will be able to go to his graduation from Basic, provided I won't be missing really important school work. It's odd. I'll be living here without him, and it'll be weird. Who will I fight with? Who will I cry and say I'm sorry to?
I love my brother. My family is so close. I think sometimes it doesn't seem like that but it really is true. Tension and emotions run high in my home, but its not uncommon to hear whimpering after a shouting match in the Black family household. Mom and I cry all the time, and Justin almost as much.
Dad just shakes his head and goes in the other room. But he's sensitive enough in his own right.
I'll be okay. Probably.
Justin will just always be little to me. He will always be following me around when I would play pioneer, he will always be breaking various Kens' legs off. He will have big, bright blue eyes and a huge, gap toothed grin. We're still eight and nine, huddled on the couch watching Are You Afraid of the Dark? and jumping into eachother's arms at the scary parts. We're playing nintendo and arguing over who gets to be player one and player two, subsequently Mario and Luigi. We're running through the sprinkler and eating popcicles at the picnic table and losing legos in the yard. He's still reading Goosebumps and I'm still trying to persuade him to read something more worthy.
He's still Billy and I'm still Elaine.
But that's a different story altogether.
astera at 11:35 a.m.