January 7, 2003
Farewell and Goodnight
I need this. I do. I swear.
It would be so nice if my boyfriend would call. But, you know, he's generally too busy for all of that. Playing videogames or watching 80's movies or sleeping. I'll just call him and find out when the hell he is planning on getting here tomorrow. And then I'll go to bed, because I am tired of today.
I missed the first shuttle to Hamilton, seeing as it looked like all the other shuttles and not like it's supposed to. My English 131 professor did not seem much to care, however, that I was fifteen minutes late. She seems really cool, and I am as excited about the Anglo-Saxon history she has promised us as much as I am about the literature. My English 220 professor nearly put me to sleep. He managed to talk for 45 minutes about the syllabus. I'll have to remember to sit in the back next time so I can write.
You know. 'Cause I do that all the time anymore.
I've written 20 pages in four months. Excuse me while I intermittently sigh and bang my head against the wall.
School is the only thing I have control over. I don't even have control over my own body. Mom escapes me, Dad escapes me, Justin escapes me, work escapes me, Mike escapes me. I escape me.
Little things would make me happy, you know. But instead I go out adventuring on my own in the middle of a Tuesday in the biting cold and I wear the knit hat he gave me indoors and I eat Ramen for dinner and still I am hungry but I can tell you that it isn't for more Ramen.
I finally downloaded 'Farewell and Goodnight' by the Smashing Pumpkins. This is no longer so fresh a memory, and I am glad for it. I've had all of his tenderness and his lust now. It isn't anything to be frightened of. On the contrary...
astera at 9:26 p.m.