May 7, 2001
AP Test Outcast
O, to recount the madness and frustration of today. But first...
Lookie! I'm less than the national average of 46% slutty, but hell, I'm up from my initial fifteen. Maybe it's because I chose to lick the lubricated man in a different place in the lubricated man section. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Today was the fantastic AP English test. And let me tell you, it was three hours of essay and objective fun. I bet Mrs. Shultz won't get us cookies and juice like Ms. Calder did last year. She doesn't realize how much we suffered.
I'm not saying it was difficult. The objective was considerably easier than anything we've done in practice. I'm saying that I finished my THREE essays at 10:40 and the test wasn't officially over until 11:27. And, of course, Mrs. Psychotic-Guidance-My-Ass-Counselor-Fankhanel wouldn't let us leave until then. So I'm sitting there for practically fifty fucking minutes staring at the wall, when I could have been eating lunch with my boyfriend. I got out of the room finally and screamed with frustration. Yeah, the other AP kids think I'm nuts. Which would explain why they let me return to lunch when it was nearly over anyway and then went up to the library and ordered pizza instead of going to class. Let me tell you, my raspberry pop-tart sixth bell was tasty. Sometimes I just don't understand the smart kids. They don't like me at all.
I used to be torn by my need to be accepted and my need to be myself. It's not like that anymore. I guess that's why I just can't get close to people. So many people desperately need you to be like them, to find some piece of thier own inadequacy in all those around them. I think my confidence sometimes comes across as arrogance...which would explain why sometimes even Jenny wants to kick my ass. I doubt myself constantly, hell, there aren't many things I don't doubt. But I do have that underlying intuition of who I am and what I need, and I don't have to question my guts or change because of someone else. I know what's good for me. Maybe that's why I'm such a damn outcast. Maybe college will be different. Not that I want to think about college right now. Toooooo scary...
astera at no work!