January 18, 2002
Sour Mouth
Maybe it isn't the best time for me to be making an entry. Maybe I am tired though I slept until eleven this morning and the most exertion I have had all day is the cd burning explosion with Mallory this afternoon.
My resolutions haunt me in a good way, if there is such a thing. I had a long talk with myself last night (absolutely, positively no snickering) and have decided that I am going to stop trying to ruin the beautiful, well founded thing that is my relationship with Ryan. I will not worry irrationally, I will make a conscious decision to not be psychotic.
But tonight I am exhausted and unnattractive and lonesome for his arms. May is far away. I have a tough gut feeling that I am not going to be able to see him at Easter, because I do not think he is going to bring it up again. And I definitely won't be able to go if he doesn't at least help me afford it. He's the one with all the cash fluttering frivolously about him.
Maybe I should go to bed and try not to be sour.
On a brighter note, Kelsi is going to help me record a CD tomorrow. I have thirteen songs for it, remarkably enough. I didn't realize I had that many that I still enjoyed playing.
Pretty sad for four years though, huh?
astera at 11:22 p.m.