June 29, 2002
Sequel to a Movie
Do not want to write in diary because I do not like looking at it. I want my new layout. But I can't work Adobe Photoshop. And I wouldn't know how to do the code anyway.
Free time next week. Guess who is going to help me out of the kindness of her heart?
I recieved a letter from the Miami Universit department of English today. I got a six on my writing portfolio. That is the highest that you can get, and I recieved six compositio credits for it. Which means no freshman year composition for me! Hoorah!
Don't I feel special and smart. I better relish this while it lasts.
I have been so inspired lately. Thursday was mass explosion writing night, and then last night at work there was no respite from the revolution of my characters inside my mind. It's strange, they're like real people.
And I'm just madly in love with Gannet.
Will you all promise to read my book if it ever gets published? You can say you knew me before I was fantastic and famous and best-selling.
Or, on a more downward plane, predictable and monotonous and on sale. Either way...
I agreed to go out for coffee with Mike from work. Or, as he was formerly known, the adorable chef. He asked me out for coffee about two weeks ago, and then, in my turmoil over Ian, I gave no clear response. I feel like shit for both of them, because neither one should bother with me. I'm just a mess, about everything.
But Mike is cool. And I can't just ignore someone. That would be mean.
And I can't just pretend like I'm not attracted to him because I don't want to hurt Ian's feelings. Ian won't even know.
I don't owe anything to him.
How the fuck do other girls do this? Just date? Like it's no big deal? Or are they just pretending like it's not, as I try so failingly to do? I'm not even used to people wanting anything to do with me. I have no idea what I am doing. None.
Help?
No, don't help. I'm just going to pretend I'm normal for five minutes. Right? Right?
I hate being a girl. We suck.
Be gone, mental image.
astera at 1:31 p.m.